The final ingredient of reconciliation that I want to point out is sacrifice. I have previously spoken about the cost involved in forgiveness, focusing primarily on what Paul asks Philemon to do. He wants him to forgive Onesimus for running away, and probably stealing some things from Philemon as he went (Philemon 1:18). If Philemon is going to forgive Onesimus, Philemon is going to have to pay a price. That always happens in forgiveness. If you want to forgive someone, then you will have to let go of that which might feel really right to you, and you might feel justified to cling to. Today I want to go a step further, however, and make sure that we do not miss the distinction between forgiveness and reconciliation, because while they are related, they are not the same thing. There cannot be reconciliation without forgiveness, but there can be, and often is, forgiveness without reconciliation. It only takes one person to forgive, but it takes two to reconcile. In every breach in a relationship, there is the offending party and the offended party. And where sin is involved, you have the party that has committed the sin and the party that has been sinned against. And if there is going to be reconciliation, there must be repentance on the part of the one who has sinned and forgiveness on the part of the one who has been sinned against, so that there can be reconciliation. In other words, there will have to be sacrifice on both parts.1
Tom Ascol
17 So if you consider me your partner, receive him as you would receive me.